


Preening the Filthy Pigeon Before We Kill Him

by ParadoxRose



Series: Jazzpunk/PolyEd Drabbles [6]
Category: Jazzpunk (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Not exactly shipping this time, People tend to have different opinions on what he looks like, Red Dress doesn't have a name so we call her Red Dress, She's the woman who spikes Poly's drink at the resort, You can read Poly and Ed as platonic or together, headcanoned appearance for Polyblank, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 22:10:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14458854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadoxRose/pseuds/ParadoxRose
Summary: It was always a team effort. They had all had enough.





	Preening the Filthy Pigeon Before We Kill Him

It was always a team effort. If he were perfectly honest (and on occasion, he was) he would never be able to do it without help.

First, they had to wait for a moment like this. Polyblank was sitting in the living room, watching tv. He was sitting on the _floor_ just in front of the couch, mind you, not actually on the completely empty couch like a civilised person. Completely oblivious to Editor slowly creeping towards him, Red Dress on the other side and one of the robotic henchmen coming from behind. All three of them crouched low and moved slowly, as if Polyblank were an easily frightened deer. And then-

“Now!”

All three of them pounced, Polyblank letting out a screech of surprise as the henchman pinned him down by the shoulders and Red Dress lay on top of him. Polyblank’s eyes were wide and he thrashed as Editor hovered over him.

“It’s for your own good!” Editor exclaimed through gritted teeth, trying to run the comb through Polyblank’s brown locks. The horrendous bedhead of tangles hadn’t been touched since Polyblank had first become a spy and it had slowly been driving Editor insane.

As Editor wrestled with the hair Red Dress tried to yank off the shirt Polyblank had been wearing for at least a week. Polyblank continued to protest and struggle, but despite his employment he was apparently terrible at fighting off an attack.

“For god sakes Poly!” Red exclaimed as he almost smacked her in the head. She threw the shirt over her shoulder and the henchman handed her a clean one.

“Look it’s got a pigeon on it,” Red snarled, “You love pigeons.” Editor let out a shriek, drawing back and holding his hand to his chest.

“You _bit_ me.” Looking personally offended, he turned around to look at Red Dress, “He _bit_ me!”

“That’s great, boss.” She replied, clearly not listening, “ _Put on the shirt_.” The group looked like a spasming octopus before they split apart, Editor, Red Dress, and the henchman all sitting around Polyblank. Poly sat there, hair well-groomed and his shirt skewwhiff and possibly backwards, with the facial expression of someone suddenly slapped in the face. Editor smirked smugly.

“At least thank us, Polyblank. You look less like a train wreck than usual.”

“I don’t even recognise you.” Red Dress giggled. Polyblank just frowned.


End file.
